i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
