Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is classic penis vs brain.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
