If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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