i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
