I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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