Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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