Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
