Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
