I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
