I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
