Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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