I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
