marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
