Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
