I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
