So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
