We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
