My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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