ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
