Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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