Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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