My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
