But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When are your genitals available?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
