Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
