if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
