So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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