why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
