Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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