i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
