Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
