clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk is a universal language darling
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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