Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
