when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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