Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
