you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
