i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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