And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
