You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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