i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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