i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
