FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
