we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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