I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
