just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had to cum in my sink.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
