shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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