just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
