My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
