In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
