the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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