i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
