Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
