Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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