My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
