I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
