You can't motorboat a personality
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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