Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
