I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
