so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
