Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
True college students do jello shots in the library
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
