i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
