its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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