He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
