How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I could make wine with my vomit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
