I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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