So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
