I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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