wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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