Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
