Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
