Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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