please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
