Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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