There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
