kristin has been a bad kristin
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
