Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
