I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dick very happy bro
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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