You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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