My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
