i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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