the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
