I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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