So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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