Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
