Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
